Cat Tails

M is a Crazy Cat Lady. She won’t mind me saying that because it is the truth. We had a rescue cat called Newton who damaged his tail so badly it had to be removed. A year later he passed to the Great Cat Domain in the sky. We weren’t having another cat until I happened to be working one Saturday morning and in my absence, M and G went to the Cat Sanctuary and just happened to come home with Bagheera! A few months later, he was followed by Gin and Tonic…..

In a moment of quiet contemplation, when all around England seems, for some inexplicable reason, to have paused in that moment of hesitation before dormant winter is pushed aside and the rampant scent of spring flowers burst forth upon the bleak garden landscape, while the Acers decide whether it is time to do something with themselves instead of simply spreading their bare branches to the misty sky, M and I found ourselves bereft of the children, (H being in Paris, so Instagram informs me, G was still not back from a night out with friends and A was somewhere out there), we were left home alone with the cats and hour to spare, before a local tradesperson was due to arrive to discuss future work, Chez Moi.

Looking around our home, you could be forgiven for thinking that we live a somewhat spartan life, with few ornaments to collect dust, or pictures to gather cobwebs. In fact, the reality of it is that, in running a Charity and raising funds by attending many Boot Fairs, M is one of those people who, if it is not bolted down, will have it in the back of the car and sold for a few pence before you know it has even gone. There is so little left in our home, that we can now officially say we ‘travel light’ through life. Admittedly we have a couple of sofas and a dining table and chairs, but the small items that normally surround us, on mantelpieces and bookshelves, have all gone, in the name of worthy causes. This very weekend, I have been employed in removing the mantelpiece, marble surround and hearth of the fire in the lounge, which then found its way onto the front drive for only a few minutes, before being snapped up by a passer-by!

With an hour to kill, as dinner would not be started until the tradesman had been and gone, we gazed upon our next project for renovation, decreeing that it was time to remove the dated dado rail that clings to the wall around the living room. Acquiring a claw hammer and screwdriver from the shed (see earlier Blog, Shed Talk) – the main tools required for any job needing fixing around the house – we made short work of the rail as it had been fitted by only a few screws along the straights, revealing wallpaper that hadn’t seen the light of day for many years – certainly not in the length of time that we have owned the property. None of the dado pieces measured more than a metre, so M loaded them into the boot of her car in readiness for disposal the following day.

The tradesman arrived and conducted his business with us and departed. During this exchange, G returned home from the previous night on the tiles, seated himself on a sofa and earwigged in on our discussions. After a while he headed off to his room and, following a brief spell with the vacuum cleaner, we had dinner. At some point, I noticed that M’s car hazard lights were flashing. Had G turned them on for a prank when he came in? He admitted to nothing, which may just be his sense of humour…. M went out and investigated, turned them off and returned indoors having checked the car was locked.

At 1.30am I was awoken from sleep with her car alarm sounding and the hazard lights illuminating the ceiling of our bedroom. Groaning with annoyance, I rolled out to investigate the cause of the disturbance, to see whether someone was in the process of purloining said vehicle. Seeing no one in the vicinity, I informed M that it was her car again and possibly a spider had crawled over the sensors, setting off the alarm. She bliped it off and we settle down once more.

Daybreak arrived and whilst M readied herself, I headed off to the office. As M leaves home an hour after I have left, she opened her car to find Bagheera, our panther like cat, sitting on her front seat! During the preceding evening, when the dado rail had been placed into the car, he evidently decided that this would be his chance to find a quiet spot and leapt into the dark recesses escaping detection on both occasions following the alarm sounding! He exited in quick form, glad to be finally released from his temporary stowaway prison, where he actually literally managed to keep his legs crossed for the whole night!

Carry on regardless!

DJ

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